Cambodia???

Yes. That’s right……Cambodia. We were now in Cambodia, and for why? Well, it seemed like a good passage through to Vietnam. And also there was Angkor Wat too, but I’ll get to that in good time. We had spent a relaxing night in our almost-lavish hotel, and we were ready to explore. It was a strange experience to see our local surroundings in the daylight, and almost a little scary. It was fair to say that the standard of living had been decreasing since we left Singapore, and it was pretty ropey down some local alleys. But we managed to find the main drag and set about getting some supplies in to sustain us through our visit.

The rocky road outside the hotel

Thailand had been cheap. We assumed that Cambodia would be even cheaper, but it didn’t feel it. With everything being priced in US dollars (but with change being given in dollars and Cambodian Riel) it got a little confusing at times. But we soon got the hang of the exchange rates (4030 Riel to the US dollar) and wandered through the markets down by the river. The bartering with the Cambodians was a lot more peaceful and civilised than with the Thai’s, but sometimes it seemed like they got upset when we asked the price and didn’t end up buying the item. After a few little purchases we headed over the river to the Art Market on the other side, and it was much the same. T-shirts, carvings and sunglasses; if you ever need some then get to Cambodia! Oh, and massages too. For a dollar, apparently.

Market traders

After the Art Market we wandered down by the river and hit the main park. It was quiet and cool down there, with some festival or ritual going on, we assumed that it was relating to the death of the Cambodian king on the previous Monday. We found our way back to the hotel and then went out for some grub. The place to be in town, or the “Bourbon Street” of Siem Reap, is Pub Street. This is where all the foreigners go for eats and drinks so we thought we would join them, as it seemed the liveliest place to be, and there was no grotty picnic furniture in sight! Great food and 50 cent beers later we wandered back through the Night Market and made a few more purchases – which we probably wouldn’t have done normally, but those 50 cent beers had obviously done their work!

The Unscammables

A lovely bit of breakfast. That is what we were enjoying in the morning before leaving the country, and it’s what we wouldn’t have been doing had we not got the minibus tickets all the way through to Siem Reap. And we would have had to get up at 4:00am, which was obviously not ideal. What was not ideal also was that when we came down for breakfast we saw the German guys sitting outside the breakfast area. We would have to go past them to get to the food and do the painful “hello, you are still here then?” conversation. We got through it and then got packed to go. By the time we had eventually come back downstairs to check out they were still there. Their lift hadn’t yet arrived so we waited with them until our lift turned up and said our last goodbye, and crossed our fingers that it would be the last!

We were crammed into a Toyota minibus that had every seat filled, and I ended up sitting up front with the driver. We would have about a 4 hour drive to the border, so we would all need to get comfortable and make the time pass as best we could. My first plan was to grab some extra shut-eye, and got about 2 hours in without even trying, and apparently distracting the driver into the bargain. We stopped off for a fill-up of fuel and a toilet break and then we were back on the road again. Having a front-row seat of the driving was not ideal. The road is notorious for bad driving, but I wasn’t in fear for my life as some forums were suggesting. It was quite common to be 3-a-breast as cars, buses and trucks would be overtaking the slower tuk-tuks and motorbikes with sidecars along the way.

The mini-van to the border

Eventually, we stopped at a roadside café and they advised us that they were switching vehicles. It all seemed a bit fishy to us, as we had heard many, many stories about cheap bus tickets that carried with them a number of different scams, all designed to separate us with our Baht/Riel/Dollars. Then one of the guys called me and James over and bundled us into a mini-van waiting nearby, as we were the only ones going with that particular company, the other 20 or so people would have to wait for their transport. We didn’t know whether to take this as good or bad, but the guy in the mini-van with us seemed very friendly. After advising him on our length of stay and that we had booked hotels for our Cambodia visit we were let out of the van to arrange our visas.

Hoping for no scams...

Scam #1 – They will try and get you to get a visa from a Visa Arrangement Agency, which will cost half as much again as the proper price of the visa ($30 instead of $20). We were advised that it would cost 1,000 Baht / $30 and I instantly knew that this was part of the scam, with the extra money going to the guy in the van and the travel agency, even though the visa is totally legit. With me and James both flapping about it costing only $20 the guy behind the glass screen said we would have to sort it at the border. Which was fine by us, as this was the norm, and would definitely cost $20. Surprisingly enough our chirpy mini-van guy was pretty quiet when he realised that he wouldn’t be getting a cut of Scam #1 and he dropped us off at the border stating that once we were through we would be met on the other side by someone from their company. We had each been given a turquoise sticker with “AZ” written on it, and that is how their driver would identify us. But there was no way for us to identify him, or where to find him. Fishy.

As we approached the border we didn’t really know where we were going, but we managed to follow the rest of the crowd into passport control. We still had no visa; just the completed bit of paper from the Visa Arrangement Agency, a passport photo and a twenty buck note. We made it through passport control and into the next area, a no-mans-land with a couple of casinos looming over us and many, many people on the sell, beg and scam. We found the place where we would obtain our visa and marched inside. We got the papers and began filling them out, as apparently the ones we had done already were not sufficient. Once complete I handed my paper, photo and passport over to the guy behind the glass screen. As I did so, a captain sidled up to me and pointed to a bit of paper on which was written in pink highlighter pen (very official, like) “800 Baht or $20 + 100 Baht.

Scam #2 – the Border Police will try and get you to pay an extra 100 or 200 Baht on top of the official $20 fee. This money just goes straight into their pockets and we mumbled along the lines of we had spent it all in Thailand as we were leaving the country. After a while the captain grunted and appeared to give the go-ahead for the visas to be completed without the extra bribe…I mean “fee” in Baht. We soon had our visas and were then thrust back into the casino no-mans-land area to look for our next driver. After not being able to locate him we realised we would need to go through immigration (none of these are signposted by the way, and nobody tells you where to go). It took forever to get through and all we had to comfort us was a revolving fan that kept blowing our AZ sticker off of increasingly-sodden t-shirts. We got through immigration before I had a massive go at the officials for being slow, leaving the window just as I was about to get done, and for having a massage in the back when I saw through the curtain. It was still roastingly hot outside, but at least we had made it through and were technically in Cambodia. Brilliant!

No-mans-land...but nearly in Cambodia

We found our driver (I was beginning to wonder if this was Scam #3 – no driver on the other side) and he ordered us to wait with the rest of the others in the open-air bus stop. Our bus turned up and it was a short drive to the main bus terminal where we were to change busses yet again. After seeing a midget and a military jeep parked outside we jumped onto our scheduled coach and tried our best to get comfy. It was difficult, because it was SO HOT in there. We were already sweating from being outside, but the fact that there was little AC on the coach and that the seats were plastic made it pretty difficult to get comfortable. We would have another 3 or 4 hour journey ahead of us, so I caught some more shut-eye to try and make the journey go as quickly as possible.

Nuff said

I woke as we pulled into a small truck-stop along the main road. The main road was just one long road right through from Bangkok to Siem Reap and on to Phnom Penh, with everything along the roadside. I noticed a lot of volleyball being played, and that there was a lot of home-brew going on in a variety of bottles. After a 20 minute break (essentially so that everyone on board could buy something from the little shop that more than likely greased the palms of the drivers) we were off again. I figured we would get in by about 5:00pm and we weren’t far off.

Buy a small house for a Land God?

Scam # 3 – the bus company will drop you off, not in the local bus station, but somewhere where their mates will be waiting with a load of tuk-tuks and motorbikes to fleece the newly-arrived foreigners. We were wise to their game and got a ride to our hotel for 120 Baht, down from 300 Baht (Thai Baht is accepted, but you get a rubbish exchange rate/value for money). The guy in the tuk-tuk with us was friendly, even to the point of offering to sell us a small bag of marijuana, which we declined. It was $20!

We arrived at our hotel soon after and were a little surprised. It was a lovely looking place, but the road and the surroundings were much worse quality. But we had read that from the reviews and were happy with our choice. We checked in and grabbed a much needed shower. We were starving from the trip so we wandered out and found the main drag. Without street-lights too. We had to navigate by the headlights of motorbikes and tuk-tuks that would frequently come from behind us and beep their horn to let us know they were there. We ate at a place that did a great Siem Reap Curry, I think, and draught beers for 50cents. Now this we could get used to!

Nice hotel!

We were still pretty wiped from the trip from Thailand so after a couple of beers we crashed at the hotel and set a late alarm – we had not planned in much for the next day and would be mainly recharging the ol’ batteries.

Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

We would have a busy day on our hands again, as there was still lots to see and do in Bangkok before we would have to leave for Cambodia. The first time we had stayed in Bangkok we were very much in the south, and much of the famous things to see and do are located in the north/north-west of the city. Being nearer to the attractions was great as we could walk down to everything instead of having to navigate the metro or get tuk-tuks everywhere. The first place we went to was the Grand Palace, and very grand it was too!

Inside the Grand Palace, with dark clouds above...

We knew we were getting close to it as the number of tourists was increasing, and we wormed our way inside with all the other sight-seers. We didn’t know much about what was inside, but it was a fantastic arrangement of buildings, temples and statues. It was very lavish and well worth the entrance fee – something that I am glad to say we can now afford, rather than just trying to find the free stuff in the places we visit. We wandered round for a long time, in the searing heat, marvelling at everything around us. Eventually we came to a large temple where we had to take our shoes off, dowse our heads with water (optional) and join the queue to get in. This, we thought, was the infamous Reclining Buddha. But it was not. It was the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, and it was still a great sight, even if it wasn’t quite what we were expecting.

Splendid!

We moved on to find the elusive Reclining Buddha, which according to the map was just down the road. However, the maps that we had been using in Bangkok were less than perfect as they missed off many minor roads. Not far down the road we came across the entrance for the Reclining Buddha and paid our 100 Baht admittance fee. We also got a small bottle of water for free, which was a great little bonus as the heat was still in the early 30’s. As we milled around the outside of the temple we noticed a couple of raindrops hit the floor. It was time to get inside, as there was another rain shower coming, as we had become used to in Bangkok by now. We queued up to get inside the temple, in an attempt to beat the rush when the heavens opened. We took our shoes off and put them in the natty little shoulder bag we had been handed, and entered the temple.

Ummmm, me.....in Thailand

It was incredible. A huge golden statue of the Buddha lying down on its side. It was hard to get a feel for how big it is because the temple that it is housed in is relatively small and the large pillars block out a full view of the statue. That said it is still an amazing experience and a must-do if in Bangkok. We had made it inside just in time too as the rain began to pour down outside. We took shelter from it for 20 minutes before realising that it just wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. So we headed out in our wet-weather gear and saw the rest of the complex, whilst I tried my best to not aqua-plane along the wet marble in my Old Navy flip-flops.

The Reclining Buddha, innit.

Once the rain had stopped we grabbed a quick bite to eat in a little restaurant just outside the Reclining Buddha temple and debated whether to get across the river to see the Temple of Dawn. By the time we got down to the river it had started raining again so we decided to leave it and head back down Khao San Road to see if we could find a travel agent that could get us to Siem Reap in Cambodia the next day cheaply and easily. By doing it ourselves we would need to be up at 4 in the morning to catch the early 3^rd Class train to Aranyprathet, then get a combination of buses and tuk-tuks to get to our hotel in Cambodia. So getting someone else to arrange all the details would be great. And James was after another cotton shirt too.

Rain. On a lily pad.

We trawled the various markets and made some ludicrous offers for lots of tat, but not to the point where it would be insulting to the sellers. We had priced our trip to Siem Reap with a travel agent at 400 Baht each maximum, so anything under that would be great. Whilst I was looking at some small Buddhas James popped his head round the corner claiming that he had a deal for 300 Baht. We took their details and said we would be back later, but something just didn’t sit well with us, so we used it as a starting point for bartering with the others. By the time we turned up at the last travel agents James had got his shirt, and we had got the price down to 250 Baht, but it still seemed a bit dodgy. When the young guy behind the desk offered us 300 Baht I said we had been offered 240 by the company over the road (a small white lie) and then the older woman knitting in the corner said “OK” for 240 Baht. This place seemed better, maybe just because they had a proper office and all had matching black Ferrari t-shirts on. As we were finalising the details with her an older guy walked in and took over mid-sentence from her. We managed to arrange a late pick-up from the hotel at 8pm and be taken all the way to Siem Reap, which sure beat a 4:00am start with no breakfast! So, with tickets booked we wandered back to the hotel with a smile on our face and a skip in our step.

That night we left the hotel and saw the guys at reception who we had spotted when we had left that morning, or so we thought, we couldn’t be sure. At the traffic lights of the main road we sensed the two coming up behind us, and sure enough we heard, “you guys are from Europe also?”. The guys were from Germany and had just landed in Bangkok that morning. They had ended up at our hotel as they had been told by the tuk-tuk driver that the hotel in Khao San Road they were heading to was full of crime and not good, so he had driven them to our place. Another scam, but these guys knew nothing about it and were so tired from their flights from Frankfurt that they just wanted to get somewhere and rest. We chatted as we headed to Khao San Road for food and trinket-shopping, but I felt James’s telepathic link suggesting that we should send these guys off on their own and maybe meet up with them later. We managed this without too much awkwardness and found a good place to eat.

Khao San Road...in the rain

One heck of a spicy dish and a large Chang later we wandered round for a short while before deciding to head back, grab some food and drink for the journey to Siem Reap and get one last Chang “for the road”. Once inside the local 7 Eleven we bumped into the two German guys who we had ditched only a couple of hours earlier. They were grabbing an early night and we all went back to the hotel and then said our goodbyes in the lift as they headed up to the 5^th floor. We didn’t feel bad about ditching them, it was just that we were knackered and needed to get focussed on getting our stuff together to leave Thailand on the morrow.

Back With A Bang(kok)

There was a commotion from outside the curtain that was essentially my bedroom. Just what the heck was going on? Someone was coming down the carriage and waking everyone up, but why? It was only 6:20am and we weren’t due to arrive in Bangkok until 6:30am/10:00am, yet this guy was shouting at everyone to wake up. It turns out the the one train we would have hoped would arrive later than expected was actually arriving earlier than expected. We would need to get our stuff together, get dressed and get out of the train in the next 5 mins as we would be pulling into Bangkok train station soon, and for the second time in our trip.

Time to go!

We jumped off the train and headed to the waiting area as it was still early in the morning. We had a couple of choices open to us: wait til half 8 and try to get a Government tuk-tuk (which cost only 20 Baht each and will take you round for the rest of the day…allegedly) to get to the embassy for our Vietnamese visa and then on to the hotel, or head straight to the hotel and hope that the room would be ready for us, although as it was still very early we doubted that very much. With no Government tuk-tuks in sight we jumped in a taxi and arrived at the hotel, with the aim of getting the visa later in the day.

The cat on the mat

We were greeted by a cat sat on the mat, and the hotel looked nice, although there were a few women sat on picnic furniture but the side of the road – we were not 100% sure why this was. Leaving the big bags in the hotel we had 2 hours to kill before we could properly check in, so we wandered the streets of Bangkok, still a little woozy from the early morning start. We found the National Monument just down the road and we grabbed breakfast and a coffee whilst we watched the morning hustle and bustle through the window. After a tournament of cards we were ready to head back to the hotel, so checked-in and got comfy.

After lunch we headed to the Vietnamese embassy and we were pleased to find that our visas had been processed and were ready. We had a quick look round the Siam area as there were supposedly some good markets around. It was more like shopping in Milan or Paris really, it was the posh end of town and we certainly weren’t going to get any bargains down there! By the time we got back to the hotel, and were greeted by the cat on the mat again, we were ready for a relaxing night. We grabbed some food and wandered the night markets for a while, but we weren’t going to have another big night out in Bangkok like the last time. My arm and head had only just healed after the last one.

Bangkok 2.0

The day didn’t start so well. To make sure I didn’t lose all my cards and money on the elephants and in the river I had secretly ensconced them inside the book I bought on the first day in Chiang Mai (it seemed pointless at the time, but it comes into play now). Three cards (debit, credit, etc) and a 1,000 Baht note were hidden from view and I would retrieve them on my return from the day trip. Or so I thought. As I flicked through my new book I retrieved my cards, but the 1,000 Baht note was nowhere to be found. Panick. Had it fallen on the floor? Had I really put it in the book? I had been hungover and tired when I put it in there, because I couldn’t find my money belt. But I was sure I put it in there. The only thing to do was to search through everything and double-check that I hadn’t put it anywhere else by mistake. But it wasn’t there.

Where's ma money???

I advised the hotel manager of the situation and he asked me to come back later when he had spoken with the maid who had cleaned the room that day. When I returned to the office we sat down with the maid and, of course, she denied any wrong-doing. So there was nothing I could do really, my word against hers, and I wasn’t truly 100% that I hadn’t put it somewhere else instead. So I said I would check again in all my things and let him know. During the rummaging I had a call from him advising that he would get the police involved, but I said that there was no point and we should just leave it. I never thought I would get the money back, but I couldn’t just leave it and not say anything. So there may well be a maid (and owner, if he was in on it all) having a bloody good night out in Chiang Mai at my expense! I will be much more careful in the future…

We had the morning and til 2pm to see what was left of Chiang Mai, so we set off to explore the north of the city. It was a hot day, and it wasn’t long before we were breaking into a sweat in the blazing sun. Much better weather than down in Bangkok where it just seemed to rain all the time! We were trying to find the big temple in the centre of the city, the one that we had apparently walked right past on the first day without noticing it. The map and road names were pretty confusing, but we managed to get on the right track and find the way down to it. And when we got there we realised that it was well worth the effort.

Some dude "catching some air"

Wat Chedi Luang stands graciously in the centre of the city, almost destroyed by earthquakes and the ravages of time. Adorned with huge elephants and containing statues of all shapes and sizes it is a truly amazing sight. I could have stayed for hours there as it was so peaceful and there were so many photographic opportunities I didn’t know where to begin. The place wasn’t bustling with tourists too, which was a refreshing change, especially from the crowds of Bangkok. There was also a small reclining Buddha, which was great to see but we were hoping to see the much bigger version on our second visit of the capitol.

Wat Chedi Luang........in all its splendour

We were then looking around for somewhere to eat (and to try and cool off) and we knew that the Night Bazaar area had some pretty cool food courts there. We had also ear-marked some Baht for some market trinkets and souvenirs, but when we arrived there we realised that the Night Market……was only functioning at night. Of course it was. But in our haste and hunger we had forgotten. So we grabbed a bite from somewhere nearby and then got some supplies from the local 7 Eleven for the journey through to Bangkok.

Chiang Mai to Bangkok

We got a tuk-tuk to the train station, and although maybe a little over-priced we were getting the hang of the haggling thing. It seems that 200 Baht is the standard opening offer for a “farang” (foreigner) and once they work out that you know what you are talking about they are quite willing to come to an arrangement. We had a 2 hour wait for the train, but we are more than used to that by now. It looked good, although we were in carriage 13, which may or may not have been an omen. The sleeper cabins looked different, two up and two down, but across the train carriage rather than all along them in a row. We wondered who would be our top-bunk guests.

Welcome to my bedroom!

Once we were on we made ourselves at home and we were then briefly introduced to the young German girls who would be sleeping above us. They seemed very nice, but kept themselves to themselves in the other bunks as their friend was sleeping round there. We were due to arrive at 6:30am in the morning, but knowing what the Thai trains were like it would be more like 10:00am, which would actually suit us down to the ground as we wouldn’t need to set an early alarm. SO in the end we listened to some tunes, watched a movie (Once Were Warriors – great, but not easy viewing at times) and generally wasted time til we turned in for the night. The lower bunks, being more expensive, were much bigger than the top ones, and it was reasonably comfortable, especially as there was no annoying sliding door letting the noise and the smoke in.

What Did You Do Today...?

It was another early start, but we knew that what lay ahead of us would make it all worthwhile. With just enough time to grab breakfast and get ourselves ready we were met by a Thai lady and a minivan at 8:30am outside our hotel. We were the first of 3 pick-ups that morning, our other guests/day-trippers would be joining us shortly. Her name was Smile (allegedly) and the driver was called Mr Beer (again, allegedly). They drove us to the next pick-up and a young couple got in the back of the van. The next stop was at the Paradise Lodge hotel to pick up two young girls, but the place looked far from paradise. And then we were off!

Smile gave us an explanation of what we would be doing in the day and we managed to get the gist of it through her broken English. We would be driving for around an hour to get straight to the elephants, so we thought it a good idea to catch 40 winks whilst in transit…we would have a long day ahead of us.

Before riding the elephants...

We arrived at the elephant camp at about 10:00am and disembarked to see a herd of elephants mooching around in a field below us. It was an incredible sight, and we knew it was only going to get better as we would soon be jumping on the back of one of these beasts and trekking through some light jungle. We had had our doubts about whether we would be hit with extra expenses through the trip and straight up we were asked to buy a bunch of manky bananas for 20 Baht. Not the biggest expense in the world, but it was the tip of the iceberg we thought. So, with bananas in hand we joined the others in the raised platform/hut above the field and waited for our elephants to come over. The Dutch couple got on the first elephant, which had a smaller baby elephant chained to it (not in a bad way, but just to keep it close to its mum, like a dog on a leash) and Cat and Zoe (from the south of England) were up next. As they were waiting, the biggest elephant of them all wandered by and started throwing a wobbler. It was trumpeting, flapping its ears and kicking the ground, to which we were glad that the girls were due to get on that one and we might get a less mental one. But it was not so, for there was already a smaller one plus baby waiting for them at the platform, and they climbed on relieved that they weren’t going to get the crazy one of the group. That little treasure would be reserved for the Gray brothers.

The matriarch having a wobbler

With a certain amount of trepidation we clambered aboard our ride, the crazy stressed-out one of the group. It was also the biggest and, our guide told us, the matriarch of the group. Boy were we in for a trip. We had a “driver” with us who was sat on the elephants head, with us two “safely” in a two-seater saddle. It seemed pretty safe though, we had a metal bar across us much like in theme parks, and there was absolutely no way we could fall off it [he said sarcastically]. We set off to follow the others who had already made a (albeit rather slow) dash towards the jungle, and the next thing we knew there was a trunk in our face breathing air at us. It was after the bananas. I reached into the bag, broke one off and placed it in its trunk. It gobbled it up and came back for more, but the driver bashed the trunk away so it didn’t try to get them all in one go. It was truly amazing, to be all the way up there, on top of an elephant, in such a scenic surrounding, with the sun beating down on us.

That's one hungry elephant

The caravan of elephants trudged gracefully through the jungle, with everyone frantically taking pictures and videos on cameras, camcorders and mobile phones. Our driver jumped down to the ground after two minutes and ushered the great beast along at the rear of the pack. And then he muttered something to James and motioned for him to get onto its neck. Well, James isn’t the kind of person that you need to tell twice (well, that’s a matter of opinion, but anyway…) and quick as a flash we had reorganised so that he was sat on the elephants neck whilst I had shifted into a more central position in the seat. It is a strange thing to ride an elephant. It is a stranger thing to then see your brother riding on its neck with no harness or anything, essentially driving it through the jungle.

Me and James riding an elephant, with no driver!

It wasn’t long before the driver said we should switch over so that James would be back in the seat and I would be astride the beast. With a certain amount of shuffling and clambering I managed to get myself seated behind its ears and trying for all my life not to fall off! It was a hefty-sized drop on either side and it didn’t help that whenever it moved its legs it would unbalance me as I was on its shoulder-blades. But oh my days, what an experience. We were catching the others too, the matriarch was taking a shortcut to get to the front of the group and as we hollered over to the girls they turned round and were shocked to see the Gray boys in “complete control” of their elephant. We overtook and then came up to a second hut, again selling bananas. We still had a lot left so carried on our way, and up the very steep hill in front of us. The first baby didn’t make it first go and slipped back down, and our matriarch had some trouble, which was great because I didn’t feel like I had had enough opportunities to fall off her head already.

Riding high, and not falling off!

And then we reached a slight clearing, and all became quite and still. We all just sat there in the sun, drinking in the surroundings and what we were actually doing. It was here that the driver clambered back up, and I was thankful to give my inner thighs a rest and lessen the odds of me falling off. We continued on our path until we came to a small mud pool. Now what do elephants like to do in muddy pools? Exactly. One of the baby elephants literally belly-flopped into it and began spouting it onto itself, almost covering Cat and Zoe in its glee. Thankfully, there wasn’t all that much mud slung around and we marched onwards and onto the road. We waited for a few cars and bikes to roar past and then took a right turn onto the road. I have driven a car and a campervan on a road before, but never an elephant! We hit a third banana stop, but we had been thrifty with our smelly fruit so we just carried on after the others. One of the guys found a large crab on the floor and pretended to throw it up to the now-muddy girls, much to their screams of terror. Our driver grabbed it from the fella and I joked that he might be having it for lunch, to which he indicated that he would be. Fair enough, I thought.

We had spent about 30-40 minutes on the elephants and it was time to return them, so we clambered off and were clearly still buzzing from the whole experience as we got back into the minivan. The next stop was a small village where we could buy some trinkets and scarves, etc. More “exit through the gift shop” strategy. Smile gave us a brief and indeterminable explanation of the village, something about refugees from Myanmar or something, and they had settled there and sold their wares where they could. We had a quick look round but with the kids attempting to sell us all manner of tat we just used it as a bonding session more than anything else.

The "gift shop"

15 minutes later we were heading on a hike, to a waterfall 2 km away. The girls were quickly having trouble in their flip-flops, but it was a relatively gentle trek along some rice fields, which then headed up into more jungle-type surroundings. It was good to get out of the blazing sun, and Smile was teaching us all about the flora and fauna of the area. It wasn’t long before we arrived at the waterfall. We would have 30 minutes there before we would go back to the village and into the minivan to get our lunch. It was a pretty powerful waterfall, with rocks everywhere and some swirling rapids that we were warned to stay out of as they were very strong. We quickly changed and gingerly climbed down into the safe part of the waterfall and savoured the cooling waters. We splashed around and shot the breeze until our time was up/it was too cold to cope with, and then headed back up the route we had just come down. And it was then that we felt a spot of rain.

The waterfall and swirling rapids

We suited up with our rain coats, but thought it might be a bit “OTT” as we would soon be back in the minivan. But it was a good call. It thundered it down and everyone got completely drenched. The others didn’t have any spare clothes or coats so they were at the mercy of the weather gods as they had seemingly rolled a double six. Mr Beer left us out in the rain for good measure as he put plastic liners on all the seats, a task that took at least 4 minutes, as we just stood there, sodden. Once inside the van the rain seemed to abate a little, and had stopped within 3 minutes. Typical.

We were slightly fearing lunch as we had been told that it would be “local food”. Now we have been eating as the locals do, but not going to the level of places that have grotty plastic furniture outside or unidentifiable meat on stocks on display. So we were very pleased with what turned up – a selection of sweet and sour veg, coconut curry, omelette, rice, soup and fresh pineapple, for afters. It gave us another chance to get to know each other a little better and exchange travelling stories of Thailand and the world. Corrinda (I think that’s how you spell it…) seemed very enthusiastic about a lady-boy show that they had seen in Chiang Mai and stressed to us that we should all go and see if we had the chance. It was something that we hadn’t seen in Bangkok, but she gave such a good review of it that we decided we would try and see it if we were in the area at the right time.

Lunchtime!

Back in the van for a few minutes drive to our next destination. Our guide, Smile, would be meeting us at the finish point. Our next little adventure was to be bamboo-rafting down the river. It involves sitting on a long, thin raft made of bamboo that floats (when people are on board) just about at the top of the water, so you are essentially sitting in the water the whole time. We were split into two groups: the English and the Dutch, 4 on one raft and 2 on the other. We (the English 4) got the older of the 2 rafters, but he was only about 18 years old at most. And to make matters worse he was wearing an Everton football shirt, the attire of our bitter Merseyside rivals. After climbing onto the raft and setting sail we joked around with him about it but he also seemed to like the Manchester clubs too – typical Manchester United/City fans being (a) glory supporters, (b) liking more than one team, and (c) not being from Manchester. We were peacefully gliding down the river when he shouted that there was a baby monkey in the tree behind us. As we all turned to look he bashed the water next to us with his big bamboo stick which splashed us all with the river water. Quite amusing. Two minutes down the river he tried the same trick again, which we all fell for, again. Mildly amusing. Further on down the stream he did it again, but we were all getting wise to it. Not really amusing.

As we were chilling out along the river he shouted that there was a snake on a tree branch by the side of the river, but we all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. But we still looked, more out of pity than anything else, where he was motioning his bamboo stick towards. To our astonishment there actually was a snake on the branch, and to our even more astonishment he poked it with his stick so that it plopped into the water right next to us. We assumed that it wasn’t a deadly one as he wouldn’t have made it angry and put it in close proximity to us. Surely?

We coasted down the river for about 20-30 minutes and saw a multitude of snakes along the way, and then we came up to some rapids. It seemed like this was the end of the road and he had motioned us to get off. Then we saw another raft behind us go straight down the rapids and it turned out that he was offering for us to walk down the side and meet up with him down the way. But we wanted to go down the rapids too! So we climbed back on and got ready for it. It was a good thrill to go down it, although it wasn’t amazingly dangerous or rocky in actuality. We were nearly at the end, and he had one more joke up his sleeve. He began shouting something in broken English and gesturing towards Zoe at the front of the raft. She shuffled forward and he somehow rocked the raft so that she ended up going into the river and getting completely soaked. We were all laughing, obviously, and the rafter was so pleased with himself, and was claiming that Cat had told him to do it. In addition to this, the kid driving the Dutch along behind us, who must have been about 13 years old, had been splashing us when they came up close to use. Once, fair enough. Twice, OK. Three times, getting boring now. So when we heard a commotion and turned to see him falling into the river we were very pleased that Karma had had such a quick turn around.

Our raft...

As we neared the finishing point he angled the raft around to “dock” by the rivers edge. Just to level the score he managed to push Cat into the river too, again claiming that Zoe had told him to do it. As we left the raft he held his hand out to me to shake, and I hesitated, knowing full well that both the girls had gone in and me and James were practically bone dry. But there was no yank towards the water, just a good honest handshake. The minivan was waiting, but we would need to change into our dry clothes before setting off. We had an hours drive before we would be back in the city so we all grabbed a few much-needed zees in the back of the minivan.

When we got back to the hotel we showered and changed, ready to grab some food before trying to find the “free” lady-boy show that the Dutch couple had enjoyed so much. It was a place called Cabaret, in the market so we were sure we could find it. And we agreed to meet Cat and Zoe down there at 9pm, ready for the show to kick off at half past. The place we chose to eat seemed great, but we realised that it felt a little sleazy, with a possible lady-boy waiter/waitress and all the old Australian guys at the bar getting back rubs from said waiter/waitress and the girl behind the bar. But it was only a quick bite to eat and then we moved on to the Night Bazaar again.

We found the stage and wasted some time looking around the stalls and attempting to find the kick-boxing arena that opened up its doors for free after 11pm, which we managed to do, eventually. Whilst waiting at the stage at 9pm I suddenly realised that it wasn’t the right stage, and we worked out that we were in the wrong market. A quick scamper through the streets led us to the right place, and you couldn’t miss it. We found the girls and ordered a (over-priced) beer. Unfortunately, the girls had chosen a seat at the front and just off-centre. Even more unfortunately for me I was sitting plum in the middle of it all, with steps down from the stage to where I was sitting. I prepared myself for an interesting evening.

Ready for the show

The sparkly curtain swished open and there, in front of us, were 4 women in feathered dresses. Oh, wait a minute, they weren’t women were they. They were lady-boys. And to be fair, all but one of them were very convincing. My brain was very confused, and I knew that I was right in the firing line. But none of the feathered dancers came down the steps, which was a massive relief. The next time the curtain swished open there was a small box on stage next to an empty chair. Gulp. That chair had my name on it, surely. But thankfully I remained where I was and the “act” simply used it to sit on, obviously.

Where to look?!

The next few acts got a bit more up-tempo, with the obligatory I Will Survive and It’s Raining Men featuring a dazzling display of dancers, sequins and make-up. The more shows that came on, the more times the acts came down the steps and focussed their attention on yours truly. It was funny, but I made sure that they didn’t overstep the mark. Thankfully James got some of the same treatment, but not on the same level as what I was getting – I had offered to swap seats with one of the girls, but surprisingly they had not been forthcoming.

We left the Cabaret place laughing at what we had just seen, and to be fair, it was a very funny night. Very funny, but very weird. The girls had to leave as they had an early flight to Phuket in the morning so we said our goodbyes and went to find the free kick-boxing. The ring was located down a long corridor of sleazy little bars with old Westerners and their young Thai “lady friends”. The ring was also surrounded by such bars and we made the decision to buy one drink, watch some kick-boxing and get out before the evening got any weirder. We sat down, ordered two Tiger beers and sat back to watch the live kick-boxing, with a pregnant cat sleeping on our table in front of us. It was pretty good stuff, not the main event as that had been and gone, but good enough for free. There were a number of women who were obviously trying to get our attention but we remained steadfast and focussed on the ring in front of us.

Pregnant cat and kick-boxing - what more can you want?

It wasn’t long before the fighting was finishing, there were two 14 year old kids on at this point, and we decided to make a dash for the exit – all the other tables around us had been shifted back to their homes outside the bars so we were a small island of normalness within an ocean of crazy. We withdrew from the area and headed back to our hotel, heads still from what we had seen and done that day.

Hear Me Roar

After the long day we had endured the day before we gave ourselves a well-earned lie-in and then grabbed some of the free breakfast on offer. We would only have 3 nights in Chiang Mai so we would need to do a “smash and grab” to make sure we got as much as we could out of it. We had grabbed a map and were making a plan of action before seeing the sights of Chiang Mai. I had short-listed Chiang Mai from Day 1 as I knew of a place called Tiger Kingdom that some of my friends had been to. We were also hoping to do some elephant trekking if possible, but it seemed that time may be against us.

Within the hotel complex there was a lady sitting at a desk that was serving as tourist information and tour guide/organiser. She advised that we could get a ride to Tiger Kingdom and back for 200 Baht – a great deal as it was a long drive out of the city and we were willing to part with 200 each way, at least! She also advised us that she could organise/sell us an elephant trekking day tour for the next day, only 900 Baht each (about £18). We were sold, and said we would be back at 2pm for Tiger Kingdom and then be around for 8:30am the next day for pick up to go to the elephants.

The Tawan Court hotel

It was time for us to hit the streets of Chiang Mai and we headed across the moat that circles (in a square, if that makes sense) the inner city. Once inside you could see people loved the place – much less busier and frantic than Bangkok and with a certain old-style charm to it. There were countless temples mixed in with the general shops and restaurants, of varying shapes and sizes. We headed down the main road until we hit one of the main temples, Wat Phra Singh. It was amazing, with monks walking round, drums in the background and numerous large and small temples to see. I had to pay 20 Baht to enter the main one, as a Foreigner Tax essentially, but I think it was worth it to enjoy the serenity within. We worked out that this wasn’t the main temple that was in the middle of our map, but that one would have to wait til our last day as we needed to get back to the hotel to get to Tiger Kingdom. On the way back I bought a book.

Inside the main temple - 20 Baht well spent!

Our helpful tour guide, Long Tip (I may not have spelt this correctly), would be driving us there with her “partner” who was waiting with her in the hotel. Her partner was a guy called Win (again, unsure of spelling) but seemed much younger, and, how do I put this…… seemed like he would prefer the company of men rather than women. Anyways, we drove up to Tiger Kingdom and Long Tip filled us in on Thai culture and where she had been round the world. Win would not be joining us with the tigers as he was afraid they would eat him, so they said they were happy to wait until we had done our thing and drive us back.

Once inside we chose which cages we wanted to go in – James went for the Big and the Small cats, whilst I went for the Big and the Smallest cats. It has always been a dream of mine to stroke/hold a tiger cub and now it looked like I would be fulfilling that dream. As we entered the compound we were allowed to walk around at our leisure and get up close and personal with some of the tigers, although they were still in their cages so we got as close as we dared, without sticking our fingers through the fence, obviously. It was unbelievable. We have been to zoos before and got reasonably close, but nothing like this. And they didn’t seem drugged in any way, which is what most cynics say about the place, because they were play-fighting and wandering round with seemingly no drowsiness whatsoever.

Do they looked drugged to you???

There was also one lion in the entire kingdom, and he just looked completely out of place. But again, he seemed reasonably happy, and I don’t know if they were attempting breed “ligers” or not, but it can be done……apparently. Once we were done looking at them through the fences it was time to get in with them. We arrived at the Smallest cats enclosure and I scrubbed my hands and took of my shoes so I could put on the communal flip-flops, which wasn’t exactly delightful. And then I was ushered in by one of the keepers, who would be my guide whilst I got close to the cubs.

A tiger

The first ones I came up against were the 3 month old cubs, pretty big in actuality. I was able to stroke them and use them as a pillow, if I so wanted. They were amazing, and they were happy to play around with my guide without getting claws into him, or me for that matter. And then he took me into the youngest cubs, only a month old. They were tiny and so cute. They were not allowed to lick my arms as they might get an infection or something (I don’t think it was anything personal, I had had a shower that morning), but the young cub I was playing with was fascinated by my wristlets and kept trying to grab and chew them. It was all going so well until it rolled over in my arms and trumped. It didn’t seem so cute after that. But that was item number 2 ticked off from my Bucket List (with number 1 being the skydive in New Zealand).

One month old tiger chewing me arm

Next up was James in with the Small cats. And when it says “Small cats” it is a total misconception. These were not small by any stretch and they were having a great time playing around with each other that thy barely even noticed that James was in there, sticking out an arm in the hope of stroking one mid-play. There were different rules with these ones as they could probably do you some serious damage, but he escaped unscathed and happy to have gone in.

James + tiger + keeper's bum

And then it was time for the big boys. We wouldn’t be the only ones in there as they took a few people in at a time, but we would get our own time and space with a few of them, as there were quite a few in the enclosure. These monsters were about 180kilos and could take you out with a single swipe. We were taken in by one of the guides and he got us right up close to them, stroking their backs and lying beside them, with a feeling of amazement and fear rolled into one. The one downside was that all the guides seemed to be Manchester United supporters and kept saying that the cats were called Van Persie or Rooney, etc. But it wasn’t going to take the sheen off the day, it had been one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I will never forget it. Ever.

Tim, James and "Van Persie"......apparently

Once we had been driven back to the hotel by Long Tip we grabbed a shower and explored the Night Bazaar just down from the hotel. We found a place to eat and ordered some Kao Soi, as recommended by Long Tip. Afterwards we had a wander round of the markets and stalls that littered the Night Bazaar, but kept our wallets in our pockets for now as there would be plenty of time to buy some trinkets later. We found ourselves a nice little bar for another round of large Changs and watched the world go by. It was mainly motorbikes and tuk-tuks, but you get the idea.

Once back at the hotel we opened the 3^rd round of large Changs and were overjoyed at the fact that the internet was now working properly, as it had been out of action since we had arrived. It was late by the time we turned in, and I hoped that the Chang-induced haze would not hinder our day of fun with the elephants the following day.